


Let Me Memorize Your Eyes

by linguisticswithlester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2018 dan and phil, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Café, Coffee Shop, Cute Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Dan Howell - Freeform, Dan Howell/Phil Lester Fluff, Depression/Anxiety, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Painter/Baker AU, Phan - Freeform, Phil Lester - Freeform, Pining, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends, but they are actually 22 and 26, dan is a baker with a fiery past, maybe smut..idk yet, mentions of mental abuse, phanfic, phil is a struggling artist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-05-19 06:05:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14868111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linguisticswithlester/pseuds/linguisticswithlester
Summary: Phil had a hard time finding the motivation to paint anything after his breakup but, when he meets a cute boy in a coffee shop down the street with wavy hair and freckles that decorated his rosy cheeks, the artist found more than new muse.Painting him was easy but, falling for him was the masterpiece.





	1. Yellow Bricks

    ****

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_ Phil was rudely awoken by the sound of his alarm clock ringing in his right ear. Rolling over, he hit the snooze button with, _maybe_ , too much force. Why did he think setting an alarm for 6:30am would be a good thing? And why the hell did he think he would actually get up? He rolled back over to try to regain some warmth from where he was so peacefully sleeping before. Pulling the duvet over his head in attempts to block out the coldness that formed around him, he shut his eyes and tried to finish the dream he was kicked out of. It was a good one this time; no dentists, no purple string just the queen and her corgis. And of course, a medal in Phil’s honor for being the best dog sitter in all of England was also expected to be making an appearance but he hadn’t gotten that far yet.

     Coming to the conclusion that he wasn't actually going to fall back to sleep, Phil got out of his multicolored bed with a huff, he started for the kitchen. Phil made it to the hallway before he realized that everything seemed blurry, not because he has just woken up but, because he left his glasses on the nightstand next to his stupid alarm clock. Making a mental note to unplug and destroy the clock, Phil trotted his way back to the scene of the crime, swiped up his glasses and placed them on the bridge of his nose, not necessarily caring that they were a little crooked.

     Trying once more to make it to the kitchen, Phil grabbed his phone from off his dresser and headed into the corridor. Once his feet hit the cold hard tile that makes the kitchen, he was on a quest for the perfect bowl of cereal. His morning had just been ruined by his past self who thought being productive was a good idea, so he was going to treat himself to a huge ass bowl of crunchy nut.

     Phil wasn’t what he would consider a messy person but, he also wasn't what others would consider tidy, either. Yes, he leaves the cupboard doors open after he uses them and yes, sometimes sugar spills from his spoon onto the counter when he makes tea but, that's not really his fault; the spoons are made too small to hold sugar safely. On occasions, he might find a sock or two lying in the living room or sitting on a table but, socks come off at weird times, he doesn't have control over that. His friends and family always give him such a hard time for being messy and unorganized but, he read somewhere that the more creative you are, the messier you are so, he has an excuse.

     Grabbing a clear bowl from the cabinet, Phil noticed how empty it looked. When he moved into this apartment, his mum made sure he had an adequate amount of bowls, plates, cups, and any other type of eating utensil he would need. He was now down to three plates, one bowl, two cups and, maybe a fork? He always seemed to drop the things that can shatter, especially when it came time to do the dishes. Cutlery doesn't shatter but, they do find their way into the garbage from to time.  
He left the door open and went for the silverware drawer. Sure enough, one fork but, to his surprise, he also found two spoons. Thank God! He really wasn't looking forward to trying to figure out how to eat cereal with a fork.  
Sitting down with his bowl of cereal, he starts browsing the internet on his phone. He wasn't looking for anything in particular, besides everyone he knew was probably sleeping right now, those lucky bitches; being up early really made Phil bitter.  
With the internet being asleep, Phil decided to checked some work emails which mostly consisted spam mail and the occasional “We regret to inform you” rejection emails. However, one caught his eye;

     “Dear Mr. Lester,

     We are pleased to announce that your application to the Make Way for New Artists Art Gallery has been accepted. We have reviewed your portfolio and we think your paintings would be a nice addition to our gallery. We are pleased to begin working with you and can’t wait to see what you bring to the table. We would love to hear back from you and set up a time for you to come in and show us what you were thinking of showing opening night.

Best Wishes,  
Suzanne Heartford  
Founder of Make Way for New Artist”

     Phil really shouldn’t have taken that last bite of crunchy nut as he was now choking on it. How?! When?! Why?! He submitted that application over 5 months ago and he is just now hearing back from them? Scrambling to remain calm and still hacking up a bit a cereal that went down the wrong pipe, Phil typed up a quick response and put his phone face down on the table. He cannot believe he has actually been accepted. Is this real life? 5 months ago Phil was a different person; in a different place. He just wanted out and this art gallery seemed like the only way; sending in the application was the first sign of the break. What came after was nobody’s business and it was something Phil never wanted to relive. He buried it deep down inside and locked it twice. Did he still want to be featured in this gallery? He hasn't picked up a paint brush in months. He has had no inspiration. Or at least that’s what he tells himself. After what happened, he has been afraid to put paint to canvas again.

     Phil decided that he needed a pick me up, or rather a put me down? Phil raised an eyebrow because that didn't make any sense but, it’s what he needed. The situation at hand was too much for Phil to process before he had his morning coffee. Walking back to his bedroom, he slipped into a pair of black skinny jeans and blue pastel t-shirt with an ice-cream cone on it. Sliding into some shoes on the way out and grabbing a backpack he hasn't opened in months, Phil locked his apartment door and descended down an ungodly number of stairs. The elevator broke a few weeks ago and the building management was taking their sweet time fixing it. Out of breath and slightly sweaty, Phil opened the door to exit; took a sharp left and, started walking towards the coffee shop with the purple shutters and yellow bricks.

This whole day has gone to shit and it’s not even 7:30 yet.

____

     Dan has had enough. It was his first day at his new job and he already hated it. He was working in a coffee shop that nobody cared about on a street that nobody knew. He was making coffee for people that didn't appreciate it and the muffins here came out of a box. There was no craftsmanship in that; no honor. Dan could make muffins that would wipe the floor with these pre-made ones. He would much rather be baking in his own shop with his own recipes, not making coffee and throwing stale muffins on a plate for someone who won’t even eat it. Not only does it hurt him to put someone else's pre-made disaster on a tacky floral plate, he had to be at work at six in the morning. Not even being up at six, he had to be at work at six. Meaning that Dan had to get up at five-thirty to make it in on time. That already ruined his day.

     “Dan! How is that coffee coming along?” a coworker yelled from the front counter, interrupting Dan’s loathing thoughts.

Dan looked down and realized that the coffee that was once black was almost snow white; overflowing with creamer. Dan inwardly groaned as he was going to have to start all over again. He could just see the look on the customer's face begin to shift to impatience in his head.

     “Yeah, just give me one second,” Dan responded while grabbing a towel to dry his hands. Trying to remember what the customer order, Dan began making the coffee once more.

    Bringing the coffee, that doesn't look too bad to the front, dan handed it to the customer, “That will be $3.64, please,” Dan asked with his best customer service voice he could muster up at the time.  
     

     Getting through this day was the only thing on his mind right now. Its early, people have already started complaining, and he just wanted to be in his bed sleeping. A few months ago he would have been up already baking various breads, bagels, pastries, desserts, and any other thing you could think of finding in a bakery but, ever since the freak accident resulting in the move to Manchester, sleeping and eating are the only things he finds himself doing anymore.  
Self-pity wasn't something that Dan normally played into but, today it was especially hard not to. Being in an environment with an oven and the ability to be able to create new recipes and not being able to use it and seeing it being used for the wrong reason set Dan over the edge. He thought he was ready to go back to work and be in a kitchen again but, this isn’t really what he had in mind for a rebound job.

____

     Phil walked past an old law firm with chipping paint making a mosaic on the concrete, and stared at his reflection in the window. He was long and narrow, he didn’t work out so muscles weren’t really his thing. He had raven like black hair, that nobody knew was actually dyed, paired with an outdated fringe. He was paler than most with smooth skin that looked airbrushed to some. His nose had a prominently curved bridge that someone once called a beak, he didn't mind though; he liked birds. His eyes, while being incredibly tired still held true to their blue form. He ruffled his hair only to make sure it laid flat against his pale forehead once again. He shoved his hands in his pockets, shook his head and continued walking forwards. He never realized that windows could be so telling. One glance and you don't just see your reflection; you see everything you've been suppressing. Every horrible memory, every cringy hello and heartbreaking goodbyes, the lies that turned into fights and the truth that turned into battles. Every tear shed for unknown reasons and the reasons nobody would claim.

     Walking a little faster now, Phil tried to erase the last few minutes. All he wanted to do was check his fringe, not bring forth an actual anxiety attack. The coffee shop was getting closer into view as he could smell the aroma of the freshly ground coffee beans and the relief they will soon bring. Phil wouldn't say he was addicted to coffee but, if presented with a choice of coffee or love, coffee would win hands down.  
     

     Seeing the yellow and purple of the coffee shop, Phil picks up speed and reaches for the door. A little bell chimes when he swings it open and a friendly voice greets him as he walks in. Phil, now being in the presence of people, pulls out his phone and pretends to be checking texts which he knows no one has sent.  
Waiting in line to order a coffee was particularly awful today. People were in a hurry and had no concept of personal space. He could feel the person behind him breathing on him from time to time. Once he could get his coffee, he would make a break for the booth that sits in the corner of the shop sharing a side with a window. Glancing back, he makes sure his plan is plausible, making sure no one was already sitting there.

     He has never been here this early and it is quite a sight. People are dressed in nice suits and some are wearing dresses matched with heels that just look plain uncomfortable. People talking on their phones and tapping their feet as if time revolves around them. Phil didn't mind the waiting part; it was just that fact that everyone around him did. He felt personally responsible for their irritation even though logically he knew that wasn't the case. Switching his attention back to his phone, he opens Tumblr to see if his dashboard has awoken yet.

     Scrolling past a few dog gifs and pictures of cats, Phil took a step forward, and the friendly voice that greeted him on the way in asked, “What can I get for you today?” and this was when Phil decided to finally look up.


	2. With One "L"

   Phil glanced up from his phone to meet a head full of curly hair, dark brown in color that looks like it was one with the ocean waves; uncontrollable and dangerous if caught too close. Phil slid his phone into the back pocket of his jeans. Resting his hands on the counter in front of him to balance him slightly, he saw the curly headed boy move his lips but, what was said had not stuck.

    “Um, What?” Phil asked in response, startled by the boy’s locks of chocolate hair.  

     “I said, what can I get for you today?” the boy huffed back still looking at the register and paying no mind to Phil.

     “Oh um, a caramel frappe please, medium” He knew he should have just gotten a black coffee but, his sweet tooth kicked in. He did, however, get a medium instead of a large so he could definitely see progress.

     “But could you hold the whipped cream?” Phil quickly added before he could get more distracted by more sugar.  He was lactose intolerant unfortunately and the day had already been hard enough without feeling like his stomach was going to revolt.

     Typing Phil’s order up on the register, the boy still looking down asked for a name.

     Surprised for a second, by the softer tone in the man’s voice this time around, Phil almost didn’t hear him. “Oh, it’s Philip...with one L” Phil said slowly as if he had forgotten his name. Why didn’t he just say Phil? _Philip_ , seriously. It wasn’t like it was the end of the world but, Phil would be thinking about that for the rest of his life and made a mental note to never return to the coffee shop. Inwardly face palming, Phil paid the boy and headed to his both in the corner and waited for the curly-headed cutie to call out his name.

____

 

“Philip with one L, huh?” Dan thought to himself as he took a sharpie to a cup and wrote down the man’s name. Dan walked over to the frappe machine and just kind of stared. He could pour a cup of coffee and add creamer but a frappe? There were extra steps to that he just couldn’t be bothered to learn. Hoping for the best, Dan made the order, silently thanking the customer, for the no whipped cream. He was not in the mood to deal with trying to make it look nice and then have to dribble even more caramel on top of it. While none of this work was actually difficult for Dan to learn, as he used to run his own business a few months ago, it was that Dan just had no motivation or drive to apply to actually learning it.

     Dan really didn’t want to be here and it was only day one. His training had been rushed the previous week as the cafe was short staffed and they needed someone to cover the morning shift as soon as possible. Dan thought this would be an easy job to get back into the swing of things since his accident. However, he realized that he just doesn't care enough to actually do a good job; this wasn’t what he wants to do with his life. He already started living his dream and then it went up in flames. How much longer does he have to wait for the flames to die and the smoke to clear?

     Shaking his head at the thought of everything he has lost, he walked back up to the front counter and called out a name. Dan wondered where his coworker went. Was it Sarah? Or Savannah? Or maybe it was Becca? He should really learn to do better with names but, like with the coffee; he really didn’t care.

     “Philip!” Dan shouted again. The first time was nothing more than a mere whisper over all the chattering that was taking place in the coffee shop that morning so he gave the second one a bit more vocalization. Placing the frappe on the counter Dan looked around to see if the man who ordered this was still in the building. He couldn’t place the man’s face anywhere; he must not have been paying attention to that either.

     After looking around the shop once more, Dan quickly inhaled ready to shout that name once more. However, a very tall, raven haired man stood up from a booth back where Dan didn’t even realize a booth was and started walking his way. The man was lanky and awkward; very similar to Dan's body shape but, his hair was straighter than his and it was such a deep color of black Dan could get lost in. He thought for sure that constellations would soon appear.

     Dan was just staring at this point. Watching the way the older gentleman walked was hypnotizing. His hips swayed when he took his carefully placed steps and they were so light they almost didn’t make a sound. His hands were at his side yet, they looked as if they were forced there. Dan could tell the man was trying not to draw too much attention to himself but, Dan’s attention wouldn’t dare look anywhere else.


	3. A Laugh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Depressive/Anxious thoughts and mentions of past verbal abuse.

  

     Walking slowly was one of Phil’s many talents. He was known to trip from time to time so walking slower than the average human was something that Phil learned would cut back on those embarrassing moments. He placed his hands at his sides even though they wanted to be fidgeting at the waist and headed for the counter.

     Phil had a past, a bruised past that stopped him from looking at another human in any other way other than an acquaintance but, there was something about the way the curly headed barista called out his name that made Phil want to get to know him better than just an _acquaintance_.        

     Something in the back of his head told him to knock it off and to walk away and forget about the boy; to find a new café that sold coffee and stale muffins; to never come back to the yellow-bricked shop he has been coming to for months. But, just one calling out of his name and his body told him he’s smitten with a racing heartbeat and sweaty palms but, his mind told him to abandon and save himself.

     Trying to listen to reason, Phil told himself that he literally only told the boy his order; he needed to chill out and go get his coffee. Taking the last few steps that put space in between him and the counter, Phil managed to make it without any trips or stumbles.

     “Philip?” The barista asked raising one eyebrow and putting on a smirk that showed a chipped yet charming smile, “With one “L” right?”

     “That would be me, I guess. One “L” and all.” Phil said, playing it off cool and trying not to sound like a juvenile that just saw their crush run past on the playground. “Thank you…” Phil said as he searched for a name tag on the boy’s apron but, he wasn’t wearing one.

     “…Thank you.” Phil said again, using the same breath he took that originally belonged to the boy’s name.

    He took the coffee off the counter and headed back to his little table in the corner.

     “Well, that went better than expected,” Phil mumbled under his breath and silently thanking whatever gods he could that he didn’t make a fool of himself on the walk up there.

     Having a table in the back meant seclusion but, it also meant longer trips to and from the front that could cause mass embarrassment. Taking a seat in the booth and scooting close to the window, Phil pulled out a piece of paper from his backpack and set in directly in front of him. He took a sip of his very sweet coffee and grabbed a pencil out of his bag, as well. All he had planned for today was to sketch; that’s all. Phil had tried putting pencil to paper a few times in the last few weeks but, nothing came to him. Flowers turned into scribbles and landscapes turned into random lines he called grass and squares he called buildings but, in reality, Phil couldn’t focus on a drawing long enough to actually make something out of it before the memories of Andrew and his temper surrounded and suffocated the visions Phil’s brain tried to create. Destruction on the inside doesn’t always lead to a beautiful outside.

     In fact, it never did for Phil. Phil would see all kinds of movies and stories on how incredible artists took their trauma and bad fortune and turned it into something beautiful; making breathtaking pieces of art. Phil couldn’t do that. It seemed like his hands could only create when his insides were at their happiest. No matter how dark it would get, if Phil had some sort of light, he could paint and create whatever his mind took him too. However, these last few months have been nothing but, emptiness. He couldn’t even call them dark or blue or any other cliché he could think of; it was just nothing. Andrew took a lot out of him; from him. Would the light ever return?

     Phil was taken out of his thought when a loud crash came from the front of the café. The curly headed mystery boy was rushing around to the front of the counter to pick up something he had knocked off the top of it. Tall and thin, wearing a purple apron, the boy bent down to pick up the plastic display that muffins would occasionally sit on and rushed back behind the counter with the clear piece of plastic still in his hand.

     That noise must have surprised many others because almost everyone was staring at the front. Sensing the redness creep across the boy’s face, Phil looked away knowing what it felt like to have everyone be looking at you when it’s unwanted. Looking back down at his paper, littered with little droplets of water now covering it, Phil instinctually wiped his face expecting to find it damp with tears. Crying and not knowing why or, really, when wasn’t a new thing to Phil. It had become more of his normal however; his face was dry. Drawing in his eyebrows, Phil realized the droplets came from the condensation on the bottom of this coffee when he picked it up to have a sip.

     Phil picked out another piece of paper from his bag and placed it down. He made sure it wasn’t close to his coffee this time and put the other piece back in his bag so he could use it when it dried. He picked up the pencil and held it between his pointer and thumb and wiggled it between his teeth. What could he draw that wouldn’t end up looking like his 3-year-old niece drew it? Phil looked around the outdated café. He could see people sitting alone, typing in a furious manner, only breaking to take a sip of their steaming hot, presumably black, coffee only to go right back to what they were doing before. There were people walking in, getting their order and, walking out. There was one family sitting towards the front of the building at the largest table. It sat six and that table was full. The mom and dad sat in the middle and on each side of them sat a child. On the mother’s right side was a baby still in his car seat. She was feeding him a bottle of what Phil could only assume was milk. The other kids were still young but, older than the bottle-fed baby. Well-behaved and using their best manners, the kids were eating their breakfast and not making a mess. The parents were conversing and smiling. The women laid her hand over her husbands and flashed a toothy grin followed by a dainty little laugh. They were the picture perfect family. One Phil’s mom wished for him to have and one Phil knew he would never get.

     Picking up his pencil, Phil started to draw. He sketched a quick outline and then did the lineart, started adding details and then the shading. Erasing here and there, until he looked at what he had drawn. It wasn’t great but, it was definitely a start. The mom’s head wasn’t to portion and damn, babies were hard to draw, but the only thing that Phil was sort of proud of was the parent’s hands. Directly in the middle of the picture, delicately placed on top of each other in a comforting way, Phil remembered when Andrew would do that to him at the breakfast table. Rubbing his thumb over the back of Phil’s hand, running it over his knuckles. At times it was peaceful, it made it seem like they made up for the bad. Andrew would never hurt Phil on purpose but, his words said otherwise. Flashbacks of late night fights and arguments over how Phil was inconsiderate because he could never cook a good enough meal for Andrew when he got home from work. All the bickering and screaming came flooding in and this time, Phil knew the droplets on the paper were his tears.

     Counting to ten, Phil whipped his dewy face and, once again, put that paper in his bag and grabbed another one. Andrew really broke his heart and his trust in others. Phil’s dream of being in a loving family of his own was shattered into oblivion the day he realized he had to leave Andrew.

     Just as Phil was going to let his dark memories suck him back in, he heard something that snapped him out of it immediately. It was a laugh but, it wasn’t a little laugh or one you should try to hide by shyly placing your hand over your mouth. This one was full of life and color and it sounded safe of cruel words.

    And this laugh belonged to the boy with the chipped smile and no name. Saving Phil from his own head twice in one day without realizing it, that boy was already Phil’s hero and he has only been there for an hour. 


	4. Life Stories and Dirty Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a shorter chapter. Its just Dan's pov from the last chapter so we can kind of see where their feelings lie as of right now. After this though, the chapters should be more fun and faster pasted and the angst WILL come. We will also see more into their lives outside of the coffee shop so there will be that to look forward to. 
> 
> If you want any updates or have any questions, you can find me at linguisticswithlester on Tumblr.

     The man made his way to the counter slowly but, swiftly. Who knew someone could look so goddamn good walking to get a cheap cup of coffee in a café that no one cared about? The raven haired man stood in front of him and Dan forced some composure.

“Philip? With one “L” right?” Dan asked not being able to stop the smile that crept across his face. He was even prettier up close. He had an angular jaw and cheekbones most girls would pay for. His eyes were covered up by black-rimmed glasses but, Dan could tell they were blue. Much more interesting than his boring brown ones. And he had broad shoulders; his pastel blue t-shirt showcased them very nicely; hugging him in all the right places.

“That would be me, I guess. One “L” and all.” Philip replied in a deep voice that surprised Dan, making him wish he had another question he needed to ask, just to hear it again.

“Thank you…” Philip said. Dan saw his eyes wandering around his chest and raised an eyebrow. “…Thank you,” Dan was still in awe of the smoothness of that man’s voice that it took him a second to realize he had grabbed his coffee and started to walk away. Dan raised his eyebrows; the back view wasn’t bad either.

Dan spent the next half an hour dealing with customers and making orders. He learned that his coworker’s name was, in fact, Becca. She liked to talk, and talk, oh and talk. The time in-between customers and making the orders Dan had managed to learn that Becca has a son that was 4 years old, his name is Samuel. She dropped out of high school when she was seventeen to focus more on him; she’s always dreamed of being a doctor; her parents, Karen and Joshua, divorced when she was ten and she lived with her mom even though she would have much rather lived with her dad. And she had a dog named Dover when she was six.  It wasn’t even nine o’clock yet but, Dan knew Becca better than he even knew himself at this point.

A few more employees showed up finally, so the workload could be distributed evenly now and Dan could actually find someone when he had questions, other than Becca.

Dan went about his business, taking orders and learning the process of this and that. April, the manager of the Café, asked Dan if he could place some muffins on the step display they had sitting out on the corner of the counter. Dan had no problem doing that. Granted it was a simple, clear, plastic step stand, Dan loved arranging baked goods and presenting them in a way that would convince a customer they needed to have one. He tried to reach around the register to place a blueberry muffin on the top of it, when, Will, another coworker, accidently bumped him on his way to the kitchen. That little bump made Dan lose his balance and shoot his arm out just a bit too far and hit the display, causing it to crash to the hard, tiled floor with an ear piercing noise.

    Dan already embarrassed about knocking it over, hurried around to the front of the counter and quickly picked up the display and rushed back to hide in the kitchen. On his way back around, he made the terrible decision of looking up. Every single face was pointed at him. They weren't laughing but, they may as well have been. Looking around, Dan’s eyes landed on the man with one “L;” he was looking directly at him. Dan’s face deepened to crimson just has the man looked back down to whatever he was working on. Rushing back into the kitchen, Dan set the display that he was still holding on one of the counter back there, and let out a sigh. Why did that make him so embarrassed? It wasn't like people haven't dropped things before.

    “Way to go, buddy.” Will said with a smirk as he set down a tray that once help four different cups of coffee.

    “Yeah, thanks, Will.” Dan spat out as he leaned against the counter, folding his arms. It wasn’t Will’s fault; it was an accident. So why was Dan still upset about the very minor incident. An image of a raven haired man looking up at him through a pair of glasses almost too big for his face came to the front of his memory. Was Dan embarrassed because he was in front of that customer? No, that couldn't be the reason. They only said what Dan says to every other customer that walks in. So why was he any different? Dan chalks the extra embarrassment up as first day jitters and heads back out to the front counter.

    Minutes pass and nothing else worth remembering happened. Dan took care of customers and their orders like a pro. He had got this job down to a science in the last forty-five minutes he has been here. Occasionally, Dan would look to the back of the cafe where that man would sit, and every time, he was looking down at, what Dan assumed was a piece of paper, and he looked so concentrated. Like whatever he was doing took all of his focus and nothing else would disturb him. Dan had to remind himself that staring was impolite and a bit creepy, so back to work he went. He wondered what could possibly encapsulate that man so much.

    “Hey Dan!” he heard Becca call out, interrupting him from his thoughts. Oh no... he didn't know if he was ready for another life update.

    Sucking in a breath, Dan called out, “Yeah?” What could she want now…

    “You’ve got to come see this. Quick!” Becca manage to squeak out. Running to the kitchen where the calls were coming from, Dan was confronted with Will laying on the floor. Next to him was the yellow mop bucket, tipped over pouring out gallons of dirty, brown water. Will must have been mopping the floor when his clumsy ass tripped over the wheel of the bucket knocking it down and taking himself with it.

    Holding on to some resentment from earlier mixed with the hilarious scene placed in front of him, Dan threw his head back, clapped his hands together and, let out a laugh. Everything that has been happening in his life has made laughter a rare occurrence and this time Dan just let it out and it felt good. His laugh was loud and obnoxious, making his shoulders shake. Walking over to Will, containing his laughter for just a second, Dan reached out his hand and helped him off the soaking wet floor.

    “Looks like you wanted to make sure the floor was extra clean in this area. Was it particularly dirty here or…?” Dan asked as, the next round of laughter hung in his throat.


	5. Empty Name Tag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for no upload on Thursday. I have so much stuff going on with school and work that uploading twice a week is not a good idea. So instead, ill be uploading every Monday (or I'll try too). I hope you all enjoy this chapter, its a little longer and I actually enjoy this one. Im going to try and speed things up from now on in the story so prepare for that because im ready for the dnp angst.
> 
> TW: VERBAL/MENTAL ABUSE MENTIONED AND A BREIF MENTION OF HOMOPHOBIA

Phil was laying on top of his unmade bed trying to fall asleep in the heat of summer but, sleep wasn’t going to make its appearance tonight. Rolling over, Phil let out a sigh; today was rough. It started out with an email that may change his life, he actually drew something so that was a start; he saw a cute boy and didn’t completely make a fool of himself. So that was an upside. That café has been in his life for a while so it’s just about time something embarrassing happen. Phil’s just waiting for it to hit.

Phil has been going to that café for just around two months. His coffee maker broke around that time and going to the shop to replace it wasn’t on Phil’s list of most important to-dos. He always passed by it on his way home from work throughout the week anyway. So he figured he’d give it a go after day three without coffee.

     He knew Becca and Will, well he knew their names but, that still counts. He would talk to them from time to time and they had his order down to a science. They were the only two employees that have worked there since Phil started going. The other employees always end up leaving after a few weeks for reasons Phil had no idea about.

     The café was cute and quaint. It had a homey feel to it; it looked as if a grandma decorated it and the owners never bothered to change it. It reminded him of home, with his parents, before he decided to move out and move in with Andrew all those years ago. That move was the spark of his creativity but, it also was the destruction. Everything that made Phil, stemmed from Andrew. The way Phil wore is hair, the clothes he wore, the shows he watched. Everything that Phil knew was because of him.

     They had met when Phil was right out of high school. Phil was naïve and still figuring stuff out but, Andrew swept him off his feet and never set him back down. He was a sweet talker and made Phil feel things that no one ever has. He made him feel safe and secure and when people would pick on Phil for his sexuality, he stood up for him and made him feel like nobody matter but him. Until, that trait made a turn for the worst. Everything Phil did had to revolve around Andrew. When Phil woke up, when he went to bed, how he did the laundry. Andrew wanted everything to be perfect, even Phil. He would scold Phil if anything was out of place.

     And that was the thing, Andrew would say the meanest, rudest things to Phil, yet he thought he deserved it. Andrew was Phil’s first love and Phil wanted to keep him as long as he could. After fights, Andrew would come back and apologize; making Phil feel special again. He would cry and say sweet things trying to make up for what was said previously.  Phil tried his best to be everything Andrew wanted but, being something you’re not is a lot of unnecessary work.

     Towards the end of their eight-year relationship, Phil finally saw what Andrew was and everything he had done to Phil. Andrew would never lay a hand on Phil in a violent manner, but Andrew tried his best to ruin Phil’s brain. Phil wasn’t a puppet, where one could grab his strings. He wasn’t a science project that needed revision. He was Phil. He was imperfect and messy; he made stupid puns that no one laughs at and cries watching animal planet. But that is okay, because _that_ is Phil. It took him such a long time to realize that but, once he did. He knew he had to leave.  

     A single tear fell from Phil’s eye landing on his pillow in princess fashion, wiping away the trail it left on his face, Phil dug himself out of the hole that he crawled himself back into. It was hard not dwelling on memories that took up so much of your life. It took Phil so long to realize to that he was worth fight for. He began seeing a therapist that helped him through some of his doubts after he left Andrew. Phil still sees her from time to time, when he thinks he needs to. Five months isn’t a long time to get over an abusive relationship, but it was a start and that’s all Phil needed; a start. Painting used to be his release because he could see the light at the end of the tunnel but now, the light is gone and all there is grey. He can still make out shapes and some memories but there is an overcast refusing to move. Picking up a paintbrush was hard but, letting the dark memories of his past control him was harder.

     Refusing to let another memory cloud his eyesight, he got out of bed. Leaving the covers ruffled and the pillows thrown about, Phil slipped into an old T-shirt and a pair of shorts he didn’t really care about and set out on a mission. Five months may not be a long time to get over an abusive ex but it sure was enough time to lose everything you once thought you could place. Checking under the bed, the bathroom closest, the lounge, and finally on the top shelf of the hallway closet, Phil found what he was looking for; his canvas.

     Grabbing one down from the shelf, he also grabbed his easel that was propped in the corner, and headed back into his room. Phil laid down an old sheet across the floor and set up the easel placing the canvas delicately on top. Rushing about, Phil, gathered up paintbrushes, paint, his color tray, and anything else that he thought he might need. Grabbing his apron that hung with his jackets that he hasn’t needed in months, Phil loosely tied it around the back.

     Staring at the blank canvas, with a paintbrush in hand is something Phil hasn’t done in months but, to back in this position felt right. It was like everything that he had been suppressing and hiding away was diminishing. Every swipe of the brush that touched the canvas erased another memory of Andrew yelling. Every changed color made every foul word that Phil ever thought about himself because of Andrew, vanish. Every time he blended and added dimension to the picture, his past blurred and a brighter future came forward to say Hi.

     Furiously brushing the paint back and forth; blending here and adding shadows there, Phil had finally finished his painting. Taking a step back to see what became of his sleepless night, Phil gasped. He didn’t really pay much attention to _what_ he was painting, or more like _who_ he was painting. His thoughts had taken over and his hands did the rest.

     The mystery boy with no name became what the canvas was showcasing. A chipped smile, unruly Hersey curls, and an outdated purple apron filled the once empty piece of fabric. It was beautiful for only having seen the man for a brief passing of time just that morning. Was Phil really staring at him? He could have sworn he only glanced up occasionally… right?

     Inspecting the portrait, the boy was looking down at his right shoulder, curls flowing over his eyebrows. On the right side of his chest was an empty name tag tugging on the strap of his apron that had been worn by many. The boy was sporting a smirk that showed his top teeth but, his eyes just weren’t right. There was something off about them. Phil tried remembering how the boy looked at him handing him his coffee that morning but, all Phil saw was a missing name.

      How could he have memorized that boys face so well but, not memorize his eyes?

 

 

     

* * *

 

 

     Dan has been at the café for a little over a week now and it’s not as bad as it was in the beginning. He is getting along well with his coworkers; Becca still talks a lot but she’s running out of new information to gossip about and Will, well, Will’s still an idiot. Dan clocked out of his shift a few minutes after he was supposed to; they always have a rush right at four o’clock. He can’t seem to understand why April always has him leave at such an odd time. It gets a little chaotic trying to switch over current orders to the next person.

     Dan hung up his apron and walked to his locker. There wasn’t much he kept in there; just his phone, wallet and, keys. Grabbing his belongings, he headed for the door. Shouting goodbyes once again to other workers he could finally call acquaintances, he pushed open the old wooded door making the bell above it chime in goodbyes. Turning left out of the building, Dan clicked the home button on his phone, lighting up the screen. No new messages.

     He didn’t know what he was expecting but, something at least would have been nice. A text or phone call, just to let him know she was alright. Dan’s girlfriend had been on vacation for the last few weeks and he’s only heard from her a couple times. Her friends are better at letting him know she’s safe than she is. She can update Instagram just fine but, sending a text to her boyfriend was apparently too hard. Dan punched in her number on the dimming screen and raised it to his ear.

     _Ring._

   

     _We’re sorry but, the person you are trying to reach right now ca-_

_Click._

    

     Wow, how surprising…Shoving his phone into his back pocket, Dan let out a breath. Relationships were hard but, they were even harder when one half of it forgets they’re in one. Thinking of all the things he was going to say to her when, _if,_ she calls, Dan pulled down his long-sleeved shirt he had rolled up by his elbows and wrapped them around his hands. It may have been summer, and it may have been hot but, Dan was going to wear whatever the hell he felt like wearing.

     Scrunching his hands into fists to keep the sleeves in place, Dan picked up his speed. He didn’t live too far from his work place; just a few blocks down actually. He recently moved to the area after what had happened back home. The memory still burned but, he was healing, mentally and physically. Clinching his fists tighter, as his hidden scars started to sting as if on que, he looked up.

     Just when his eyes started to focus after his quick head lift, he spotted a fringe. It was black and looked smooth to the touch. Headphones around the owner’s ears with the cord running over the man’s chest, splitting in half the yellow star that took up most of his red shirt, created a ruffle in the otherwise tame hair. He wasn’t walking particularly fast, nor was he walking slow. He was walking with a sway of his hips and his hands twitching to what Dan assumed was with the rhythm of the music he was listening to through the headphones that canceled out the rest of the world.

     “Do I know him? Why does he look familiar? Those glasses look too big for his he-” Dan thought to himself as the man walked right past him without adverting his eyes anywhere but to right in front of him.  

“One L!” Dan said out loud, quickly reaching up and putting a hand over his mouth, thankful that the man was wearing headphones. It was the man from earlier in the week. Dan hadn’t seen him in the café since then. In all honesty, Dan was kind of disappointed. There was something about how focused and committed that man with one “L” was about what he was working on that inspired Dan. And he wouldn’t mind seeing his face again…

     Dan glanced back to get one more look at the man that put a trance on him for some reason. He has never seen someone that looks quite like that man. He has a unique face, one that Dan wanted to get to know. Before Dan started his in depth analysis of a stranger’s face, his phone started to vibrate. He took out his phone and looked at his screen.

 

_Incoming Call: Carol_  

    

Shit.

 

     Dan rolled his eyes, swiped right and, answered the call just as he was throwing open the door leading into the building leading to his flat. Stepping carefully up the stairs, Dan said, “Hey Carol! How’s your vacation going so far?”

 

“Oh my god! It’s been so much fun! The beach is amazing and I never want to leave.” Carol replied, although it was hard to hear with the loud music playing in the background. “Although, Kristen said you’ve been messaging her all week. Can’t you just let me enjoy my vacation without having to check in on me every second of everyday?” Dan heard a squawk of girls in the background all chanting in agreement to what Carol had just said, as she let out a giggle to make what she said not seem so spiteful. He could tell they have already started drinking.

     Dan’s eyes dropped and his head followed. Right outside of his flat’s door, dropping his keys from the now unlocked brass handle, Dan laid his forehead against the off-white door.

     “Yeah, Okay Carol. I just wanted to make sure you were all right and that you were having a good time. I care about you and wanted to make sure you were safe. But it seems as if you would rather talk to literally anybody else than your actual boyfriend. What’s up with that?”

     Dan had been having doubts about his relationship for a few months now. Carol never seemed to care what Dan was up to and never asked how he was anymore. Movies were painful to watch, dinner was always half eaten, and anything past a pat on the back was uncomfortable. They didn’t have a falling out; there was no mention of cheating. Carol changed though and their interests contradicted each other.  

     She became more herself and for that Dan was proud. He had been trying to get her to see her worth for years, even before they started dating. However, unfortunately for him, her new found self didn’t leave time for an outdated Daniel. Dan did his rediscovery, now it was her turn. If she wanted space, he would give it to her.

     Before Carol had a chance to get defensive and place the blame on Dan, he said, “Hey Listen, I know that you want to have fun and enjoy the beach. I understand that; I just want you to know I love you and I want you to be safe. I’m a phone call away if you need me. Love you and I’ll talk to you when you get back. Bye Carol.”

 

_Click._

 

     He hung up before she had a chance to reply. Her new found self wanted to do all these new and adventurous things that Dan would never dream of doing. She held a little bit of resentment because of it. She wanted this fun life full of Instagram worthy pictures with Dan by her side but, Dan was okay playing Mario-Kart in the living room until 1am and talking walks through the same parks. He tried to be what she wanted but, his dreams kept him in Manchester. Everything he had ever worked for was there.

     Pushing his unlocked door open, a cool breeze coming from his flat brushed past him. He was one of the lucky ones to find a flat that had AC. He threw his keys on the breakfast bar in the kitchen and headed to his bedroom. Not bothering to take his shoes off, Dan fell face first into his bed, letting out a sigh. Dan’s eyes started closing and his head started to clear when –

 

_Bzz-bzz-bzz_

_April: Hey Dan. Sorry to bother you after work but, I need to talk to you about your schedule. We have had somebody else quit and I need to move you to our evening shift._

 

_Ugh._


	6. First Step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: I think this chapter is free of any, but if you find one let me know! 
> 
> I really didn't think this chapter would be up today because I have been so unmotivated to write but look, its up and I actually enjoy this chapter! And I hope you guys will too! 
> 
> If you have any questions or whatever, Im always free at linguisticswithlester on Tumblr!

_The Next Day_

    Dan arrived at work a few minutes early to be ready for his new night shift. The cafe stayed open later than the usual cafe being as they closed at eleven. Switching shifts wasn't really that big of a deal to Dan, it meant he could sleep in longer in the mornings. However, he did like being off earlier so he could go do whatever he wanted in the evening but, whatever. Dan glanced at the clock, it was almost three. He grabbed his purple apron off the hook with “Dan” tapped above and slid it on. An apron wasn't anything new to Dan but, that purple was. Wrapping it around his back and tying it in the front, Dan found the staff computer and clocked in.

 

     A few hours had passed and nothing really exciting happened. He was working with Becca that night, so she kept him busy when things slowed down. He has grown to like her and her need to over share things. She really was a nice girl; she just didn't have anyone to talk to that didn’t spill milk out of their nose for fun at her house, so her coworkers become her best friends during the day. Until they can find someone to help cover the night shift, it was going to be Dan and Becca together most nights.

 

_Chime._

 

     The bell above the door rang, causing both Becca and Dan to glance over.

     

     “Hello, Phil!” shouted Becca as she unfolded her arms and left the counter her and Dan were leaning on and went over to great the man. Dan’s stomach dropped at the sight of the raven haired gentleman. He saw him yesterday for a brief second in a passing glance but other than that, the last time he saw him was his first day of work.

    

     “No glasses,” Dan thought to himself as the man tuned to greet Becca.

    

      “How are you? Is your day going good?” Becca asked with a lot of enthusiasm when she reached him. He looked up at her and his fringe swung with the movement.

 

     “Hey Bec, yeah work was long but, I survived.” The man replied as a breathy laugh cut off the last word. He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels.

    

     “Well, I’ll get you a cup of coffee with extra sugar then.” Becca stated has she patted his sweater covered arm. “I see that you’ve got your backpack with you again. Are you working on something special? I have seen that bag more times this week than I have in the whole month of June.”

    

     Dan couldn’t hear what was said next as another customer came in ringing the bell. Dan took the order but, was distracted by the way that man’s lips moved when he talked. He couldn’t hear him but, by with the way his facial expression stole the show, Dan new it was something he was passionate about. It also looked like he could hold his own with Becca which was something that one needed in order to be friends with her.

           

      Dan filled the order and by the time the customer came up to grab their order, Becca was back from bringing Philip his coffee. He was still sat in the very back booth that he sat in the first time.

     Dan and Becca were back to leaning against the counter in the front where they could watch for customers and continue talking. This time Dan started the conversation.

           

     “Hey, who was that?”

   

     “Who was who? Phil?” Becca replied nudging her head forward towards the very last booth, uncrossing her folded arms and placing them on each side of her on the counter.

 

Dan raised his right eyebrow as in answer to her question. Did he prefer Phil? Or Philip?

    

     “Yeah, I guess.” He said with a slight shake of his head.

    

     “Oh, that’s Phil. He has been coming here for a few months now. He usually keeps to himself and doesn’t talk that much. He does incredible art work though. I’ve seen some of it when I pass by his table to bring him his coffee; It’s amazing. It’s so realistic and that’s just with pencil. He told me he used to paint on canvas too but, he never told me why he stopped. I think he's going to be featured in a new art gallery soon that they are going to be hosting at the college. He's super excited but also sounds really nervous but, that’s to be expected I guess. He comes here, well, I guess, every day or almost every day and he used to never have is art stuff with him though. I'm excited to see what he's working on and if he’s going to paint again.”

     

     “Oh, you seem to know him pretty well. Are you guys friends?” Dan asked looking over at the raven haired beauty. “Are you guys...dating?”

 

     Dan didn't know why but the thought of Becca and Phil together didn't sit well with him. _He_ didn't want to be with Phil; he had Carol but, it still would sting if she said yes. And Dan didn't even really know him at all really. Dan just knew that he was uniquely beautiful person.

     

    Becca let out a loud puff of laugh and quickly covered her mouth with her hand when the only two customers looked their way.

     

    “Me and Phil? Dating? That is something I've never heard before!”  Becca let her laugh out but with a quieter filter on this time still covering her mouth. “I only talk to Phil for briefs periods of time when he comes in everyday to get his coffee. He usually never stays longer than the time it takes to make his order. Like I said, he usually keeps to himself so I was surprised that I’ve seen him in here all last week and today.”

      

     “Oh, okay” Dan said with his head tilted to the side.

     

     “So he's an introverted artist that loves coffee… Intriguing.” Dan thought to himself as Becca finished her reply. Dan didn't have much friends in Manchester, most of his friends lived in London. They hardly ever came to visit him. Carol followed him out here to make sure he was healing properly and, of course because she loved him…

     

     But Dan would love to have a friend that he enjoyed hanging out with and returned the feeling. Having someone to play video games with and eat take out was something Dan needed. Carol used to do all of those things with him but, as she has grown, she has grown away from Dan and so have her hobbies. There is nothing wrong with that. Dan would just like a friend and he's apparently got his eyes set on a man he doesn't know anything about but, his name is Phil. Something about his presence is calling and it told Dan they could be great friends one day.

     

     “You should go say hi” Becca interrupted Dan’s thoughts that caught him off guard.

    

      “I should…” Dan said under his breath but not realizing he actually said it out loud. “Wait, what?”

     

     “You should go say hi. He really is a nice gentleman; he won’t bite. Go see if he needs a refill on his coffee or something. You've been staring at him the whole time he’s been sitting there so might as well do something about it.” Becca gave Dan’s shoulder a shove.

     

     “Go! You won’t regret it and I need some entertainment; tonight's been too slow for my liking. Do it for me.” And with that, she gave Dan one final shove that pushed him out from behind the counter.

    

      “Oh my god...I can't do this… I don't talk to random people… Well, all I'm doing is going over there to see if he needs more coffee. That is literally my job...I can do that… _ugh.”_ Dan tried to contain his heart beat and his thoughts; there was literally nothing to be nervous about. He didn't know him and yet, his body was acting like Phil was his childhood crush.

 

_First Step._

Dan straighten out his apron.

 

_Second Step._

Dan’s hands rose to meet his head full of unruly curls to are sure they were in somewhat of a decent state.

 

_Third Step._

Dan had this. This was his job but, God. Why was Phil making him so nervous? He has only said a few words to him days ago.

 

     Dan arrived at Phil’s booth, “Oh God...Dan you need to say something and not just stand here like a creeper.” Dan’s thoughts tried helping him out but, his mouth didn't want to form any words.

    

     Phil slowly raised his head to look over at Dan.

    

      “Hey...do you need another coffee?” Dan managed to choke out has the man looked at him.

    

     Phil looked down and reached for his empty cup that once held his sugary drink.

 

     “Umm… Yeah, why not. I'll be here for a while longer so some more caffeine won't hurt.” Phil said has he handed his cup of coffee to Dan.

    

     Dan tried to say sure but it got stuck in his throat along with anything else he tried to say. Trying to not be awkward wasn't something Dan was good at.

    

     Right as Dan was going to turn away it was like the thing blocking his throat disappeared and his words came it like they were coated in butter.

    

 

      “I'm Dan by the way. I don't think I've seen you in here in a while.” Dan decided it would be best not to mention he saw him walking on the street yesterday; that may be too much to add.

     

     “Oh well hey, Dan. My name’s Phil. Although, I apparently tell cute baristas it’s Philip with one ‘L.’ Which isn't technically a lie; my grandmother still calls me that.”

     

     Dan breath got caught on a word that flew past him...cute… did Phil really think Dan was cute?

    

      “But I usually just go by Phil.” Phil added with a little laugh that was a lot deeper than Dan expected. “But, yeah, I'm usually only in here towards the evening. I get off work around six most days so I head over here to get re-caffeinated. I had a weird day the day I was in here early. Most days I would still have been sleeping. But now, I’ve been coming here to work on some things I need to finish. It's hard to concentrate in my flat because I can just lay in bed and binge Netflix. Here I actually have to work.”

     

     Dan couldn't help but look down at the notebook that was laying in front of the man with a pencil laying across the page. It was full of waving lines making up the top half of the page. It was a face; it looked like it was someone he knew...

    

     Before Dan could get a good look, Phil must have noticed Dan’s eye drop to the table because he immediately closed the sketch book.

 

     “Sorry, I'm just getting back into drawing and such again and it’s not some of my best work.” Phil said resting his hands in his lap and raising his shoulders.

     

     “Yeah, no problem. I should have better control on where my eyes go anyway. I'm sorry.”

 

_Shit._

     

     “No, it’s fine. I used to not have a problem with people looking at my work. I just haven't had anyone want to do so for a while. And I actually haven’t been creating much lately so these are all rough drafts. Maybe once I finish one of the projects I'm working on, I can show it to you? If you'd like?”

    

      “I would love to.” Dan could not believe he was actually talking to Phil. He seemed like such a nice guy. Maybe they could actually be something one day….

 

____________________  

 

     “Oh my God…” Phil thought to himself as he left the cafe that night. He finally found out the name of the barista he has been drawing; Dan… he never would have guessed but, it suits him. Phil has been drawing this random boy since he saw him over a week ago. He didn't know why but, every time he started to draw it always turned into Dan somehow. He hardly knew anything about him but, he was all Phil saw.

       Phil was taken by surprise when he came up to introduce himself. Phil was _not_ expecting that. He had been so focused on what he was drawing, he didn't even hear Dan walk up beside him; it was a pleasant break from staring at lead coated paper. Phil was still trying to recover from his past relationship and he was taking it day by day. However, for some reason, this boy has pulled on Phil’s heartstrings. Phil didn’t know what he was feeling or what he should be feeling but, he was nervous. He once though Andrew was nice and caring. There was something about him too… and Phil was wrong. He had such a hard time trusting others but, he felt that he could trust Dan... Maybe just a little bit; it flustered Phil.

     

     There was something about him that made Phil feel like one day they might actually be friends. He learned that Dan has the night shift now until they find a replacement so Phil would be seeing him more often than not now and he wasn't going to lie, that was a little exciting.

     

     Out with the excitement and in with the cringe. Phil just remembered… he called Dan cute. He didn't realize it came out of his mouth until it was too late. He wanted to go dig a hole and lie in it right then and there but, Phil played it off like it was supposed to be there. He could never flirt but, that one slipped out. The boy never pressed him about it so Phil was hoping that he hadn't noticed. He just hope it sounded cool when he said it.

 

     “Oh my _god.”_ Phil thought again, “My sketch book!”

    

     Not only did Dan see part of what Phil was drawing earlier, which was another portrait of the not so empty name tagged barista, Phil left his sketch book right on the table where he was sitting. He remembered putting all the pencils, erasers, pens  and, whatever else he used into their own little bag and picking up all the papers he tore out. He also remembers picking up the book and setting it aside so it was out of the way while he picked up his mess. He grabbed his bag and his cup and headed for the door to say his goodbyes and return the mug but, he must have forgotten to go back and get his sketch book. It was probably lying right by the window on the booth, just waiting for someone to find it and go through. There were sketches in there that he didn't want anybody to see; things that were really personal to him and bad memories drawn out from months ago… and now sketches of a barista he just learned the name of…

 

 _God_.

 

     What if Dan found it?

____________________ 

 

     It was closing time soon after Phil had left; Dan was surprised he stayed so long. He was there for more than a few hours but, Dan got why though. It is hard to concentrate at your home because your bed is just right there constantly calling out to you.

      

     Dan started wiping down tables and picking up leftover trash from the last few customers that stopped by last minute. Becca locked the doors and wiped down the glass portion of the window; somehow children’s handprints always found a way to decorate the glass.

     

     Dan got to the booth Phil was sitting at.

 

     “Huh? What is this” Dan said as he tucked the towel he has been using into one of the apron’s front pockets and picked up an old notebook with random page’s sticking out throughout the book. Dan inspected the cover, it had a beautiful geometric houseplant drawn on the front with lots of smaller doodles surrounding it. He flipped it over to find that even more small sketches and doodles littered the back. It looked like a mess but, it looked like Phil’s.

 

      “Phil must have left his sketch book here...”  


	7. Curiosity (Almost) Killed the Cat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I am so sorry this chapter took so long to come about. I had to severely do some adulting these last two weeks and haven't had time for much else. I'm sorry I made you guys wait so long but, I should be back to posting every Monday! I may have Chapter 8 up some time this week as well to make up for the two weeks I missed so, if you want, look forward to that.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

     Dan took out the wash rag and tucked Phil’s book into the pocket of his apron. Finishing the last few tables that were left still unclean, Dan set out to quickly wipe them down and be on his way. This was Dan’s first night closing, and while he didn't know the formal closing procedure here, Dan treated it like he did his own shop back home. He made sure everything was wiped down, any and every machine was shut off; windows were wiped and leftover baked goods boxed up and ready to be donated.

     He didn't mind cleaning; it was therapeutic in a way. Watching as things once dirty or smudged become clean and ready for round two was comforting. Maybe that could be him one day.

 

      “Hey, what's that?” Becca asked as she slung a towel over her shoulder and gestured to Dan’s waist.

 

     “Oh, I found it over where Phil was sitting. I think it may be his sketchbook or something.” Dan reached down and pulled the book from its resting place; It really was a beautiful book.

**“** Hmm….” Becca stated as she put her finger to her chin to make it look like she was deep in thought, “...should we look inside to see if his contact information is in there?” Something about the way she said that made Dan guess she really didn't care about contact info; a look of mischief was written on her face.

 

     Hesitant, Dan replied, “I don't really think that’s a good idea. Phil seemed pretty protective of this book and doesn't really want anyone to see in it right now.” He looked down at the ink covered book in his hands and he couldn't lie, he was curious to see what was inside. “If he really does come in everyday like you said he does, then we can give it to him tomorrow night. Hell, he might even come back for it in the morning once he realizes its missing.”

 

     Becca flashed a bewildering smile that could put the Joker out of business, “Yeah,” she said dragging the word out adding uncertainty to it, “or we could just have a peek inside, see what he has been working on, close it, put it in a safe spot for him to come pick up tomorrow and, what he doesn't know won’t kill him, yeah?” Said with one breath, Dan was impressed.

 

     He knew that if the situation was reversed and this was his book, he would be a worried mess right about now and would hope whoever found it would respect his privacy. However, curiosity was always something he fought with. Some days it paid off, other times it caused him unnecessary pain. Becca was the devil on his shoulder and tonight she was saying kill the cat.  

 

      Dan just wanted to take a look at the last drawing Phil was working on, that’s all. He wouldn’t look at any other pages in the book, just that one and be done with it. That wouldn’t be that bad would it? Phil did say he wasn't comfortable sharing his work right now but, damn, Dan wanted to take a peek. It looked like someone Dan knew and it was driving Dan mad that that he couldn't place who it was. What if they had a mutual friend… maybe it would give them a chance to hang out, outside of the cafe…

 

      The devil was getting louder.

 

     “So what about it, Dan? To peek or not to peek?”

 

     Before Dan could answer, a loud banging came from the front door.  

 

______________________________

 

 

     An out of breath Phil was banging on the front door. Trying the door handle one more time, knowing fully well that it would still be locked just like it was four seconds ago, he peeked in and saw Dan and Becca standing by the counter.

 

_Oh god…_

 

     Phil’s stomach fell out of his ass and was currently running down the street looking for a good place to bury itself.

 

     Dan had the book.

 

     He looked over at Phil through the window with an expression on his face that Phil couldn't read. Did he already look through it? Did he see the umpteen drawings and sketches that Phil had in there that were of Dan and his curly locks? Was the expression one of disgust and pity? Phil’s heart started to beat at an alarming rate and his palms got clammy and started to shake.

 

     “Remain calm, Phil. He could have just found it and haven’t had the chance to look through it yet.” His said to himself trying to contain his composure and not look like a lunatic outside of a coffee shop.

 

     Sending a friendly wave to them in the shop while trying to look casual, Becca ran over to the door to unlock it. Dan still had the book resting between his hands.

 

     _Shit._

 

     “Hey, Phil! Back for your book?” Becca asked full of life and, was that a hint of amusement too? Did she go through it?

 

     “Hey, yeah. I realized I had left it behind as I got a few blocks down. I got nervous someone might have found it. But I see you guys have it so I shouldn't have been worried.” He added that last bit to reassure himself more than anything. He leaned his head forward and motioned to Dan holding the book in an unnatural way. Hands on both sides, white knuckled and the book was completely horizontal.

 

Phil was sure he read it.

 

     “Oh yeah, I found this just a few minutes ago as I went to wipe the tables down. I thought it looked familiar.” Dan said as he still held the book in that uncomfortable position and made his way closer to where Phil and Becca where standing. He let out a huff of breath that could have been taken for a poor attempt of a laugh. “Don't worry we kept it safe for you.” Dan added trying to sound light and airy and not like he almost got caught going through it.

 

     “Oh great.” Phil said acting as casual as he possibly could while reaching for the book that held all his secrets. How could he have been so careless?

 

     “I really appreciate you guys grabbing it for me and for letting me back in to get it. I know you guys are closed and everything, so thank you.” Having the book back in his possession calmed his fears a little bit. Now to figure out if they looked inside. Any other person would just come out and ask if they did but, Phil couldn't ask that; Not right now. He would have to come up with a way to get them to say if they did or not.

 

     As Phil grabbed the book from Dan, their hands brushed together in a cliché fashion. Dan’s hands were soft and they slipped right through the grasp that would have been Phil’s. They felt like they knew pain but, they also felt like the world would never even think of hurting someone so soft and pure. As Dan’s hands fully left Phil’s, he could have sworn he heard slight gasp as the contact left.

 

     Phil looked up at Dan to see the younger boy’s eyes drifting to anything other than Phil. He must have seen the drawings…

 

     “Hey Phil!” Becca’s voice pierced Phil's thoughts that had been over taken by worry. “Since it’s late and we’re basically all closed up here, want to walk out with us? I would hate for you to be walking by yourself at this hour.”

 

     Dan and Phil both shot her a glare. Dan let out a laugh and shook his head real slow. Phil just raised an eyebrow.

 

     “What?” She asked, raising her arms above her shoulders? “Oh! Sorry, my mother instincts kick in from time to time. No arguing, we are walking out together no matter what kind of look you boys give me.” And with that, Becca turned around with a quick snap of the hair she had up in a bun and headed to the back to get her stuff.

 

     “Haha, I haven't seen Becca in mom mode before. It suits her.” Phil said turning to face the brunette. Trying not to let his fears eat him away, Phil smiled. “I guess I'm walking out with you guys then.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels looking down at his feet.

 

     “This is gonna be some walk” Phil thought to himself as Dan rushed to follow Becca back into the employee area. He shook his head and waited.

 

_______________________________

 

  Once Dan knew that he was far enough from Phil for him to be able to hear, he ran back to where Becca was. She was calmly grabbing her purse out of her locker, seeming unbothered by the events that just took place.

      “Becca! What was that?” Dan shrieked as he threw his apron off. He was slightly huffing in breath, not sure if that was because of the slight exercise that just took place or the fact that Phil almost saw them going through his book, the one thing Phil has asked them not to do.

 

     Slowing turning to hang up her apron on the hook labeled “Becca” she looked at Dan over her shoulder and smirked.

 

     “What? I would feel bad if we made him walk home all alone on a night like this.” She said smoothly, not phased at all.

 

     “That's not what I'm talking about. We almost got caught looking through something he told us not to.”

 

     “Oh so you _would_ have looked, huh? Giving me that judgmental glare and all along you were gonna go with it. I see how it is.” She looked Dan up and down as she said that, hand on her hip; her mom stare was pretty good too.

 

     “Besides, if he wouldn't have left his book here, you may not of had the opportunity to talk with him outside of work. Now, you get to walk him home. Just don't do anything I wouldn't do on the first date.”

 

     Dan choked on his breathe, “W-what?”

    

     “Dan, I have only seen you guys in the same room twice and I can already tell you're smitten. You look at him like he is the most beautiful person that has walked this face of this planet. Your eyes do way more talking than your mouth.”

 

     “I-” Nothing came; he had no follow up. Was it really that obvious? No, it couldn't be. He was in long-term relationship; it must just be the lighting making his eyes look like a star-struck lover.

 

     “Yeah, that's what I thought. Let's go. We don't want to kept Mr. Lester waiting.” Becca replied heading for door. She flipped her head in an over dramatic fashion as to show her point.

 

     Dan just stood there with his arms by his side. _What just happened?_ Why was his stomach doing the flippy over thing? It couldn't be because of the thought of Phil... could it?

 

     With a deep breath in, Dan emerged from the backroom after a few minutes with his phone in hand.

 

     “Okay, ready to go?”

 

     Phil looked up at Dan through his framed glasses and Dan finally got to see his eyes. They were blue with a hint of yellow and even some green; they were beautiful. To compare them to the ocean would be an understatement.

 

     “Ready if you are.” Phil said grabbing he straps of his book bag that set on either side of his chest.

 

     “Off we go!” Becca threw her arm forward pointing towards the direction of the exit.

 

     Gathering together and heading for the door, Dan was the one who reached for the handle to open it, letting Phil and Becca trail behind. He still didn't have a key to the shop yet so Becca had to lock it up.

 

     “Okay, boys. That walk from the counter to the front door was fun and it is a memory I will cherish forever but, I actually have a ride tonight. One of my girlfriends came to pick me up so we can see a late showing to a movie, so I unfortunately can't continue on with this journey.” She switched her glaze to Phil. “Now, don't worry. Dan will walk you all the way back to your flat. I remember you mentioned you didn't live that far from here, so it won’t be problem at all, if he does. He himself, doesn't live but five minutes from here.”

 

Dan sucked in a breath and shot Becca his best “what the hell are you doing?” Face. This wasn’t part of the agreement. Hell, there was no agreement to begin with.

 

     “Night, Phil. I'm glad we were able to keep your precious book safe for you. I hope you have a _great_ night.” Dan hated the way she said great… what was she implying?

 

     Becca walked over to Dan and went in for a hug.

 

     She got close and wrapped her arms around Dan’s neck. He felt the breath of her words on his neck as she spoke them, “You're welcome, Daniel.” Slowly leaving his ears burning, she turned towards the car parked across the street. She looked back, saying bye once more before leaving Dan alone with the man who made his heart skip a beat with every glance.

 

     Now what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to ask me about where the story is going, if you have any questions or suggestions, or if you just want to say hi you can find me on tumblr @ linguistswithlester!


	8. Calling Carol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry this chapter is a bit short! I was having a crappy week but, what else is new... Anyway! I hope you enjoy this chapter!! And let me know what you think!

**Chapter 8 -**

 

     Dan watched as Becca drove away, hesitant to look to his left. He wasn’t sure why he felt so nervous to be alone with Phil. They were just friends, hell, they have only talked twice. Could he even call him a friend? Dan chalked his jitters up to being socially awkward, and looked around. The street was lit up with lights and storefront window advertisements. It was a pretty sight to Dan. He always dreamed of living in Manchester, and now he was finally here. The circumstances that brought him here weren’t what he expected but, nonetheless, the universe works in mysterious ways. Taking in a deep breath, and mustering up any calmness left in his body, he turned towards Phil. He wouldn’t mind talking with Phil a while longer anyway...even if it did make the butterflies appear.  

 

     “Looks like I’m walking you home then.” Dan said with a laugh that he hoped came out casual.

 

     “So,” looking both ways, “which way is home?”

 

                      ______________________________________________________________

 

     “Um, _what_?” Phil thought to himself as he just saw Becca pull Dan in for a hug and give him what looks to be a kiss on the cheek. Not only did Phil learn that Dan is supposedly walking him home tonight but, it looks like Dan and Becca are together? Phil wasn’t gonna lie, that disappointed him a bit. Phil had trouble trusting other men but, for some reason he felt calm around Dan.

     

     There was something about the way he spoke and held himself that was enticing. It was completely different than Andrew. Andrew walked with such confidence and drive. He never looked like he was disorganized and he always presented himself as having it all together. Dan, however, was calmer when he walked and he looked soft with he spoke. He had laugh lines and dimples; freckles that decorated his face. He had hair that curled and twisted all over the place. He looks at whoever is talking and his eyes glisten with contentment. He looked like chaos with a bow; a perfect present to the heart.

 

     He never usually looked at others in that way since Andrew but, Dan was making it hard. All he was doing was standing there, looking at his surroundings and taking it all in and it took every ounce of willpower for Phil not to stare. It was fascinating how enthralled Phil had already become with the barista. It wasn’t like him to be this way but, it was hard to stop.

 

     “Looks like I’m walking you home then...So which way is home?” Phil suddenly realized that his plan to not stare at Dan had failed, and his thoughts were interrupted when he boy himself, started talking.

 

     Startled, Phil spat out an answer. “Oh, you don’t actually have to walk me home, Dan. I think Becca was just trying to get a rise out of us.” Secretly, Phil hoped Dan would disagree.

 

     “True,”

_Oh._

 

     “But, you’re not going to be the one hearing about it at work the next day if I don't. She may have been kidding but, I’m not willing to risk it.”

 

     Phil knew what he meant. Becca would probably spend the next ten minutes of Dan’s next shift asking about this encounter, alone, not to mention how much longer she would press him if he didn't even have an event to tell upon.

 

“Okay, I wouldn’t want to even risk putting you through that.” Phil threw his hands out to his side as he spoke, “Home is that way.” He pointed down the right side of the street, “about a ten-minute walk.” Putting one foot in front of him, he started walking down the sidewalk towards his apartment that still didn't have a working elevator.

 

     “I hope this isn’t so far out of your way. I would feel terrible if you lived like an hour away.”

 

     “No, I live about 8 minutes that way.” Dan said as he turned and pointed in the direction behind them.

 

     “Oh, I’m sorry! You really don’t have to walk me home. I can manage.” Phil did an abrupt stop on the sidewalk in front of a closed market. Even though he wanted Dan to walk him home, he didn’t want him to have to walk much extra, especially considering Dan just got off work.

 

     “No, don’t worry about it. Some exercise will do me good considering all I do, when I’m not working, is playing video games until three am. And I really don’t mind the walk. I’ve actually never been down this way before; It’s nice.” Dan looked around to take in his surroundings. Phil didn’t think the walk was anything special since he has walked it almost every day for the last five months.

 

     They were walking at a good pace now. They were almost the same height so their strides were virtually the same length. It was weird how they barely knew each other yet, they walked in perfect unisons; It was calming. Not wanting to waste a good opportunity to get to know Dan a bit better, Phil decided to start the conversation.

 

     “So-”

 

     “How-”

 

     Dan started to say something at the same time as Phil. Phil let out a little chuckle.

 

     “Go ahead.” He looked towards Dan and gave him a smile. He could tell Dan was flustered. His cheeks were red and his eyes were down. Was he nervous to be with him?

 

     “No, really, you can go first. I didn’t mean to interrupt you.” Phil saw Dan shove his hands in his pockets. The wind started to pick up blowing his curls to the right of his face. He really was cute.

 

     “Okay then; How long have you lived in the area? I have been going to the café for most of the year and I haven’t seen you in there before last week?” Phil asked. He was genuinely curious.

Was he new to the area? Did he grow up here? Phil wanted to know his story and this was the beginning.

 

     “Um, actually not very long. Only a couple months really. It’s a long story so I won’t bore you with the details but, something happened back home in Berkshire and I just wanted to get away, you know? So I moved out here to sort of start again in a sense.” Phil could tell that question made Dan uncomfortable by the way he shifted. He pulled his sleeves even further down his arms and crossed them in front of his chest. His voice went flat and lost its soothing effect. He was curious what this “event” was. What could have happened that would make Dan move so far from where he grew up. Phil knew not to press the issue but, hoped one day, Dan might trust him enough to let him in on the secret.  

 

     “But that’s all I the past now, I guess. And actually my first day at the shop was the day we first technically met. So I guess my first day wasn’t all that harrowing.” Dan reached out his arm and playfully punched Phil in the arm. That touch sent a spark up Phil’s arm and it didn’t want to go away, not that he was complaining. Dan looked calmer now, his smile returned and while his cheeks still looked red, they didn’t look embarrassed.

 

     “Oh well, I’m glad I made your first day at work the best day of your life then.” Phil joked back, choosing not to expand on Dan’s past. Plus, Phil was sort of a flirt when he didn’t really mean to be but, maybe this would work out to his advantage.

 

“I can have that kind of effect on people, so I’m told.” _Yeah, Phil, let’s just make Dan think you’re a player, good call._ Phil shook his head.

 

     “Oh, do you now? Should I say thank you?” The sarcasm in Dan’s voice was so strong. Phil never thought he could be out done in the sarcasm department.

 

     He glanced at Dan again. His eyes had a mind of their own and they wanted Dan, apparently. He noticed Dan had dimples, they were deep and predominate and Phil was afraid he would get lost in them. Dan was covered in freckles and Phil tried to memorize each one. He had two by his jaw line that formed a frowning face when he smiled, and created a little pink patch on his flawless skin. Dan really was beautiful and Phil was falling fast. He didn’t know why it was happening, all he knew was that it was. And if he had to be completely honest, while he was scared, he didn’t want it to stop.

 

     “ ‘Thank you’ will work for now but, if I continue to make your days the best I might need a higher payment.” _Damn,_ Phil was impressed with himself at this point. He shot another glance at Dan to make sure that Dan wasn’t uncomfortable with where Phil was trying to direct the conversation and saw the boy smile, putting his dimples on show again.

 

     “Oh yeah? Well how about if you come to the shop tomorrow and leave near closing time, I can walk you home again?”  

 

     Phil’s breath hitched.

 

     “What makes you think I would want to do this again?” Trying to sound as unamused and amused at the same time was a really hard thing to do. Trying to play it cool and smart was a talent that did _not_ come easy to Phil.

 

          “Oh,”

_shit, did that come out as rude?_ Phil was about to interject when Dan continued,

 

       “There is just something about your facial expressions that tell me otherwise, Philip. I guess we’ll see tomorrow if you really want to make my day better or not.”

 

     Phil motioned with his hands that they had arrived at his apartment building, and went for the door resting his hand on the handle. Turning around to face Dan, Phil’s face dropped for a second. He really wasn’t ready for this conversation to be over. This walk was supposed to help him know Dan a bit better and it was actually full of sarcastic comments laced with flirtatious connotations.

 

     “Well, I guess we will. It will be a surprise to both of us if I come in or not.” Phil tried to sound mysterious but, he didn’t think it worked.  

 

     “I’ve been told you have a bit of a coffee problem so… I’ll see you tomorrow, Phil.” Dan said in the softest voice as he raised his hand to signal a good bye and turned the other way.

 

     “Dan!” Phil shouted before he got too far away.  

 

      Dan turned around and did his smile once again.

 

     “Thank you again for walking me home. You really didn’t have to do so.” Phil was half way inside his building but, he wanted to see Dan smile once more before he walked back into his apartment where memories he tries to forget come flooding back in trying to drown his eyes.

 

 

     Dan shouted back, “No don’t worry about it seriously,” He lowered his head, “It will give me some time to call my girlfriend anyway.”

 

What was that?

 

“Night Phil.”

 

And with that he turned around and headed into the night back to his own apartment.

 

Phil stepped into his building and closed the door. Taking the steps up to his flat, he couldn’t help but, feel a twinge of disappointment, _he was dating Becca…_  

_____________________________________________________________

 

     Breathing faster than a boy his age should be breathing, Dan walked back to is building.

 

_What just happened?_

 

     Was Phil flirting with him? Did he flirt back? Why did telling Phil he had a girlfriend make him feel sick?

 

_It was nothing._

 

     They just hit it off really well and hopefully end up being really good friends.

 

     Dan wasn’t sure exactly what he was feeling at the moment other than Phil got his heart racing good and Dan didn’t know what to make of that.

 

     Dan hit the call button on his phone with his heart still beating fast and the butterflies that accompanied them through the whole walk.

 

_Calling: Carol._

     But, was it Carol Dan wanted to be talking to right now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to ask me about where the story is going, if you have any questions or suggestions, or if you just want to say hi you can find me on tumblr @ linguistswithlester!


	9. It's a Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil tried painting other things; his mom, his brother, the man on the bus, anything other than Dan but, nothing was coming out right. He always seemed to find himself painting Dan again and, to be fair, they were beautiful. They really did have a story behind them but, Phil was too afraid to read them.  
>  Looking at the canvas he was working on now, it was Dan, from that night. His face trying to hide in the darkness but the street lights showing it off like a well-deserved present. He was glowing that night and his smile has been forever sketched into Phil’s memory. This painting was his best one yet but, he still couldn’t get the eyes right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one wasn't posted when I said it would be! I got a second job and its taking every second I have :(

Dan called Carol that night and they actually  _ talked _ . There was no fighting or placing blames on one another for not seeing eye to eye on things. It was good; the conversations flowed and there was no awkward silence between them. All their resentment and built up anger was let out. They cried for hours and cried some more. Red noses and stained cheeks were the end results. She would be coming back in a couple days. Dan didn’t know where they stood at in their relationship, really. Everything around him was falling apart and he didn’t know what to grab on to first before it all disappears.

 

But would it really be terrible to start all over? 

    Dan loved Carol, still, no matter what, he knew he always would but, did he still love her the way he did when they were younger? Even after that conversation of fixing everything that has been wrong lately, talking through their problems and worries, there was still something hanging in the back of Dan’s mind. Maybe if he just saw her, in person, again, the spark would reignite and the butterflies would flutter again...

    With freshly brushed teeth, Dan got into bed. It was lonely without carol in it with him but, it was lonely with her in it too. Something was missing and Dan wished he knew what it was. Carol was on her way back from her extended “vacation” and he was excited to see her...and nervous to see if he still saw her in the same way. 

 

    Dan layed in bed and stared at the ceiling. What was he doing? He was a twenty-two year old man working in a cafe trying to hold on to the last thing that reminded him of his past when times were good. Dan had feelings brewing inside of him and he would not let them out; he refused. When Carol gets back everything will be fine and all the questions Dan’s head has been full of will simply disappear. Or at least, he hopes so. Why is he even questioning his relationship? Yeah, they have been arguing for a while now but, it wasn’t anything serious. It wasn’t “I’m leaving you” material. Every relationship has ups and downs, this just happened to be a down...Right?

 

_ Ugh. _

 

    Dan turned to his side and grabbed the pillow his head was laying on and put it over the side of his face to block out any light that may make its way to his eyes. He wanted pitch blackness and an empty head but, that's not what he got. He got a room full of stuff that was not his, a light shining bright because he forgot to turn it off and, a head full of unanswered questions.  

 

    That night was full of twisting and turning. Sleep never really showed up and when it did, it was full of images of his past, waking him up with sweaty palms and hitched breath. Everything he was questioning had an answer but, he wasn't sure he wanted to hear them.  

 

    He tossed and turned some more until the sun broke through. 

 

    That sleepless night was all because of Phil Lester. If Dan would have never met that black haired, blue eyed beauty, none of this would even be an issue right now. As much as Dan tried to fight it and say that these feelings were just because he wanted to be his friend, he knew deep down that was not the case. 

 

    He had a crush on the one L’d Phil and there was nothing he could do about it. 

 

    There was just something about him that was intriguing to Dan. He drew in a way that made him feel things, like he could learn Phil’s whole life story through his art and remember every detail. Phil brought a smile on his face every time an image of him appeared in his mind. His smile, his eyes, his glasses, everything about him was beautiful and Dan’s bisexual ass was smitten. His heart skips its next beat when he hears his name and butterflies have made their home in Dan’s stomach and Phil is the thing that wakes them up. It was new and exciting and made Dan feel whole again. It was scary. What Dan had with Carol was dying, and it was close to the end. No matter what they did or said, it wouldn't last. He knew that now but, Carol was still his girlfriend and as long as they were together, Dan would try to make it work.

    Wiping away a tear that was making its way down Dan’s face,  Dan breathed deep. His worries were starting to evaporate but, new ones were forming. He headed into the bathroom and the picture the mirror was showing him was one for the horror films. His eyes were puffy and red, his curly hair was pointing in every which direction. Tear trails stained his checks and his nose was pink. It looked like he woke up from an undead slumber six feet under.

 

   He splashed his face with cold water, trying to tone down the redness of warmth that encased his being right now. Last night was a lot to take in. Carol was coming back to work on their relationship, Dan didn’t know if he wanted to be in the relationship, he liked Phil and yet, had no idea how the other man felt about him. Everything in his head was telling him to forget Phil and focus on fixing his relationship but, everything in his body was telling him to go for it. 

 

    Dan took a deep breath. He knew what he needed to do…

 

***

 

    Carol came back home. She was tanned and glowing. She looked healthy and happy, like she found what she has been looking for. They hugged and Dan gave her a quick peck on the lips before telling her how happy he was to see her. He knew he had something on his own to work through but, he chose her. She knew his secrets and she held his hand through most of them; she was his first love. Phil was great and interesting, he was new and exciting but, he was just a phase; it would pass. He wanted something that would last forever and an artist in a coffee shop just wasn't it…. 

 

“Shit, I hope I’m right about this,” Dan thought to himself as he continued to hug Carol. 

 

     Once the hug broke, Dan realized that she didn’t have any of her luggage with her. And knowing Carol, she should have came back with double of what she left with. 

 

_     That’s odd. _

 

    “Hey. Dan.” Carol said as she shied away from Dan’s eyes. He raised an eyebrow in response and folded his arms. “I know we had a long conversation the other night about us and whatever this,” she gestured between the two of them, “is but, i had a lot of time to think on the flight back here. As much as I hate to do this to you, to us, I have to. It’s something that has been in the back of my head for a while and I think now is the time for me to finally say it. Things between us are just not working out.” Carol sighed and took Dans hands and led them to a chair. Taking a seat and motioning for Dan to do the same. 

 

    “I love you, Dan, I always will. It’s just not the same love I had for you a few years ago. I grew up and so did you. We will always be in each others lives, I won’t allow it any other way.” She let out a little laugh while wiping a tear from her cheek and Dan did the same. “But, I think this is the end for us as a couple; at least for right now. Who knows what will happen in a few months, or even next week. I’m going to stay with my sister for a while while we figure everything out. I am sorry to come back from my trip and spring this on you but I think you’ve been feeling the same things I have. You’re just too soft to admit it.” She says as she playfully hit his arm. Even after breaking up with him, she still has a sense of humor.  

 

    Dan lets out the breath he didn’t realize he has been holding and lets go of her hands. He brushes his hair out of his face and rests his hands on his knees, stretching his back out. It’s a weird thing. He thought about all of this nonstop since the night they talked up to this moment and he was sure Carol was the one he was choosing and yet, he feels somewhat relieved. It's like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders and he no longer needs to pretend. 

 

    “Carol, I-” He has nothing really to add; no protest or outburst. “I love you, you know that. If this is what you want, I will respect it.” 

  
  


***

 

    Dan took the break up well. Obviously, because it was something he was debating too. Even though, he went against it at first; it still feels like it was the right decision. They had only been apart for about a week but, things were already so much better between them. They text each other funny anecdotes and little things throughout the day. They actually talk and enjoy it. It's like it used to be without the pressures of maintaining a relationship that was hanging on by a thread. It felt nice to have old them back. 

 

    And Dan wasn't going to lie, the thought of Phil was still in his mind. He wanted to see where things would go and if he could ever get Phil outside of the shop. He walked to talk to him more and get to know him. But everyday, Dan waited for phil to come ringing the doorbell and Becca to run over and great him and everyday he gets disappointed. The past week there had been no sign of the older man anywhere. Everytime the door opens, Dan forgets to breathe because everytime he thinks it could be Phil. 

 

***

 

    “Becca, what do you want me to do with the-” 

 

_     Ding. _

 

_     It was Phil Lester.  _

  
  


  
  


________________________________________________________________

    Phil hasn’t been back into the cafe for the last week. He knew he was falling hard for Dan and yet, Dan was taken; off limits. It was hard knowing that after all this time of healing and trying to get back to normalcy, whatever that was, was slowly crashing because Phil fell for a straight guy with a girlfriend. It didn’t make any sense why Phil fell so fast but, he did and he needed to stop.

 

    He was supposed to go back to the shop the night after their walk back to his apartment but, Phil couldn’t muster up the courage to do so. He knew seeing Dan again would make his heart race and this “crush” would just keep developing. And Phil knew that he wouldn't stop flirting with him, even with the knowledge that Dan had a girlfriend; Phil didn't care and that scared him. What was wrong with him? Why did he like Dan so much? And why couldn’t he let this go?

 

    Phil shook his head and focused his attention back on the canvas he was working on. The art gallery opens in a couple weeks and Phil still had not finished his pieces for it. He brought in a couple of his older paintings that survived the breakup and two of his new ones to show the gallery an idea of what kind of stuff he would be bringing, as well as a folder with all of his previous work. They really liked his style and techniques but, they said nothing felt personal to them, like they told a story but, one that didn't belong to him. For the gallery, they wanted to showcase the new artist that deserve some recognition, they wanted to showcase their art work and have it scream history.

 

    There was one painting that they really liked, however, it was in his portfolio. It was the newest one that he had done; it was the one of Dan. Before Phil knew his name and before he realized how fast he was falling, it was the boy with the missing name. They said they could feel Phil’s emotion throughout the painting. Showing in his brush strokes, the delicate lines, the waves that turned into hair and how it looked like every freckle was memorized, it felt welcoming and like a love story just beginning. They wanted that in their gallery and more pieces like it.

 

    Phil tried painting other things; his mom, his brother, the man on the bus, anything other than Dan but, nothing was coming out right. He always seemed to find himself painting Dan again and, to be fair, they  _ were _ beautiful. They really did have a story behind them but, Phil was too afraid to read them.

Looking at the canvas he was working on now, it was Dan, from that night. His face trying to hide in the darkness but the street lights showing it off like a well-deserved present. He was glowing that night and his smile has been forever sketched into Phil’s memory. This painting was his best one yet but, he still couldn’t get the eyes right.

 

    Phil set down his paint brushes and took a step back. There was no way he could have what the gallery wanted done in the next couple of weeks. Phil was uninspired and tired. He took a deep breath in, and held it for a second. He needed to clear his head and his need for coffee was something fierce today. As much as Phil wanted to stay away from Dan and let his crush smolder out, Phil enjoyed having friend here. It was nice to be able to say hi to someone and actually want the conversation that comes after it. It would take all his strength to not let intrusive thoughts cloud his judgment but, Phil wanted to see Dan and if it just had to be as friends, Phil would settle.

    Phil untied his paint-covered apron and hung it of the side of his door. He threw on some shoes, grabbed his bag and headed for the door.

 

***

_ Ding. _

Phil pushed open the old weathered door and walked into the café. It was busy for a Thursday; there was a line at the counter and almost every seat was taken. Looking back to see if his booth was open, his breath hitched. Dan was leaning over the table, wiping it down. His hair was in his eyes and it looked extra curly today; it looked good that way. It was a little longer than the last time he saw him and it had only been a week.

Slowly walking over to the booth, Phil stuck his hands into his jean pockets.

    “Hey.” Phil said out loud as he got closer to where Dan was.

    Dan turned to face him and Phil couldn’t read his face. There was no smile but, there wasn’t a frown either. Was he upset with Phil for not coming back?

    “Oh, hey Phil.” Dan said as he turned back to the finish cleaning the booth. “I haven’t seen you in here in a while. Kicked your coffee addiction, have you?” Dan asked in a sarcastic tone.

    “No, actually, it's grown stronger.” Phil tried making a joke but, went quiet for a second, pondering what he should say next. Not wanting to let Dan know the real reason why he hasn’t been back. “I’m sorry I haven’t been in this past week. I’ve been super busy with this art gallery thing I’m apart of and I haven’t been inspired lately. Staring at a blank canvas doesn’t get you real far, ya know?” It’s not a lie but, it’s not the whole truth either but, it will have to do for now.

     Dan put the wash rag in the front pocket of his apron and turned towards Phil. He smiled, that was a good sign. “Ah, I see. Well, I’m glad you’re back. Take a seat,” Dan said as he motioned Phil towards the booth and sidestepped out of his way, “I’ll go get you a coffee.” Dan’s dimple made an appearance and so did his smile as he turned to head back to the counter.  

_     This whole friendship thing is going to be harder than expected. _

 

    Phil took his backpack off and sat it in the seat next to the window, then he followed. It was a nice day out today even though he spent most of it inside painting a boy who he would never have a shot with. It wasn’t too hot out and there was a nice breeze. The leaves were dancing in tune to the wind and the sun was getting ready for bed. It’s evenings like this that make him feel better no matter what. The whole atmosphere that makes up days like this are what motivates him. He had it hard this morning and throughout the day but, right now, he felt like he could do anything. It’s crazy how a change of scenery can make one motivated. Staying inside for the past week because of something so small was selfish but, sometimes being selfish was a good thing.

    “Here you go.” Dan set down the iced coffee.

    “Thanks!” Phil reached for it to take a sip. He really did have an addiction.

    “How have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you in months but, it’s only been a few days.” Dan said with a laugh. He took a seat in the spot across from Phil and folded his hands on the table.

    “Oh, just busy with the painting, like I mentioned earlier, and that’s basically it. I have been having a hard time figuring out what to paint, and that’s been a bit of a problem.” Phil picked up the coffee again trying to buy some time to think of something else to add that wouldn’t be considered “flirting”.

    “You should paint me. I could be a great model.” Dan said at the same time Phil took a sip of his drink. Phil was taken aback by that and ended up choking on what he was trying to swallow.  

    Still having a hard time breathing, Phil managed to get out, “What?”

    “Are you okay there?” Dan raised an eyebrow and shook his head. Seeing that Phil could actually breathe and wasn’t choking to death, he answered Phil’s literally choked out “what.”

    “I said, you should paint me. I could model; all I do is stay in one spot for hours on end anyway.” Dan brushed his hair out of his face dramatically as if there was a fan blowing it back.

    “Wow, you are really delivering that performance there. Are you sure you aren’t already a model?  It looks like you come with your own effects?”

     “Oh, for sure. I’m actually a famous French model that’s working undercover as a barista to stay humble.”

 

    Phil let out a chuckle. He missed having someone that he could laugh with. 

 

    “It all makes sense now.” Phil said as he over dramatically slapped his knee. “So does that make Becca your girlfriend, undercover as your manager?” Phil wanted to know the deal so he slipped this in as now was as good as time as any. 

 

    Dan laughed and cocked his head sideways. “I mean sure. We aren't actually dating but, in this alternate universe where i’m a french model, I’ll roll with it.”

 

    …Phil went silent. 

 

_      Wait, what? If he wasn’t dating Becca then who was he dating? _

 

    “Oh sorry,” Phil’s eyebrows scrunched together, “I guess I just assumed that you guys were together. I thought she gave you a kiss the night you walked me home?” Phil said more as question than a statement. 

 

“What? No!” Dan’s face got red, “She just whispered something stupid into my ear to try and get me to react. She and I are not dating, trust me.” He put his hands into the pockets of his apron and looked down. 

 

“Okay, I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I should really learn to stay out of other people’s business. It's a bad habit that I've acquired.” 

 

“Oh no! It’s fine! It just took me by surprise that’s all.” Dan put his hands in his lap and looked down. “I was dating someone but, they broke up with me last week. In fact, it was a couple days after I walked you home.”

    “Oh no! I am really sorry to hear that! Break ups can be hard. Trust me, I would know but, you’ll be fine. I’m sure you will find someone else. What with you being a french model and all.” Phil couldn’t really do serious matters. He didn’t know what it was but, they made him so uncomfortable. So instead of offering actual advice, he offered up jokes instead. He also hated to admit this but, the fact that Dan was single was the best news he's gotten all month. 

 

    “No, it’s alright. It was sort of a mutual agreement. We are better off as friends and so much closer now too. All is good.” 

 

    “Well, I’m glad to hear it.”

 

***

 

    Phil spent the rest of his time at the cafe drawing and sketching down ideas for him to paint later on. His mood improved a whole hell of a lot and his motivation skyrocketed. His art was turning out great  _ and _ Dan was single. 

 

    The night was coming to a close and Becca had to leave early that night to take care of her son who had gotten sick so it was just Dan closing up. Phil secretly watched him wipe the tables down and move chairs back around. He worked so diligently, it was fascinating. He looked so focused and content. 

 

    The last person in the shop had already left and Phil knew Dan needed to lock the doors. He gathered up his things and headed for the door.

 

“Leaving?” Dan asked as Phil rested his hand on the handle. 

 

“Well, I mean, yeah. You need to lock the doors don’t you? I’m sure you want to go home and rest and I don’t want to keep you from doing so.” 

 

“You’re right, I do want to go home and rest. But first, I want to walk you home.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to talk about this fic/ask questions or offer suggestions you can find me @ linguisticswithlester over on Tumblr!  
> I also take prompts too! If you want me to write you one, just send it my way!!


	10. Ding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! I am soo sorry it has been so long since the last time I uploaded. I recently moved for school and it has taken a while to get used to everything. Culture shock set in towards the end of week two so that was great. 
> 
> Anyway, I am sorry this is a shorter chapter than I would have liked but, I wanted to post something before 2038. The next chapter will be a good one, I promise and HOPEFULLY up by monday,,, we'll see!

 

    For the past two weeks, Dan has been walking Phil back to his flat at then end of every night. It makes the days pass by slow and the nights go by unbearably fast but, Dan wouldn’t change it for anything. Their talks about life and passions; what they want out of their futures and what they hide from their past. It's all been slowly coming out of the boys but, everything they have been hiding from and keeping in the dark is all starting to come to the surface.

   

    Dan hasn't felt this comfortable with someone in a long time. Carol felt safe but, she lost comfort along the way. Dan felt like he could tell Phil anything and everything; an old movie cliche but, it was true. Phil could make him laugh and smile; just about anything revolving around Phil could make Dan smile though. It was the happiest he has been in a long time and Dan didn’t want to screw it up.

 

    Dan caught feelings for Phil and ever since he started walking him home, the feelings grew at an alarming rate. It felt like a rollercoaster; going up to the first drop was butterfly filled and then the drop takes your butterflies and makes them completely disappear but it takes everything else with it. Yet when the next drop comes, you just go with it; the anticipation and unknown still remains but, it's a hell of a lot of fun when it’s over.

 

    Phil was one of a kind and Dan didn’t want to let him slip away;  he laughed at stupid puns and made even dumber ones. He wore mismatched socks and never ties his shoelaces quite right. He had a fringe most days but, secretly wore a quiff when he thought no one would see. He dyes his hair black and it complements his pale skin. He covers his mouth with his hands when he starts to really laugh and he does this weird thing with his hands when he tries to put them in his pockets. Those things were endearing and Dan picked up on them everytime Phil did them. Dan couldn’t help his heart from fluttering when he sees that man smile or say something incredible inappropriate on accident.

 

    Phil can get his heart racing from zero to a hundred and once it maxes out, it doesn’t go back down. Dan’s face is always flushed and now Becca has picked up on it. She knows they walk back home together but, Dan hasn’t told her anything else. Even though, she asks more about Phil than she does about Dan. She wants the gossip and Dan just doesn't want to give it up. _Whatever_ it is that he has with Phil is something special and unique; it was Dan’s happy place and he didn't want to give it up even if they were just friends.

 

***

 

    It was Saturday and Dan actually had the day off. They had managed to find a new hire at the shop, however, Dan had grown partial to the evening shift...or rather the man he got to walk home every night he worked it. But, the schedule did change and Dan didn’t have to work as much anymore.

 

    He sat in his living room wearing his black Calvin Klein's with a switch remote in his hands racing other players in Mario Kart. He had a glass of tea balancing on the arm of his sofa that’s now gone cold as the races continued, one after another. His curly hair was pushed up in quiff fashion and his eyebrows were drawn together in a scowl.

 

    “Get out of the fucking way!” Dan screamed at his TV set while waving his left hand in frustration. “Can people learn how to pl-”

 

_Ding._

 

Dan was in such a rage that he almost didn’t hear his phone beep. He paused the game and looked around for his phone. He knew he was getting to invested into the game when it brought out actual rage so he grabbed his now not-so-hot tea and sat back into the sofa. Reaching over to his left,  he swiped his phone that was laying face down on the spot next to him.

 

He had a text message.

 

It was from Phil.

 

Dan’s stomach dropped and his heart started to race a little faster. His face heated up and he knew that the red patch on his cheek would soon be a key feature to his face.

 

_Phil (with one L): Hey Dan! I know we don’t talk much outside of the cafe but, i was just wondering if you wanted to go do something with me tonight? Maybe a movie? Or even dinner?_

 

_Ding._

 

_Phil (with one L): I know it’s Saturday so you probably already have plans_

_Phil (with one L): so feel free to say no_

 

_Phil (with one L): (...)_

_Phil (with one L):_

 

     Dan’s face was decorated with a smile that only makes its appearance when Phil was involved. Phil just asked him to go out with him,,, well not like out, out but like just go with him to do something and Dan was ecstatic. Any thought of Mario Kart has completely vanished from train of thought and now all he saw was Phil.  

 

_Dan: hey phil! I would love_

 

No, too strong.

 

_Dan: hey phil! I would be_

 

“So fucking excited actually,” Dan said out loud with a huff of breath twiddling his thumbs over the touch screen of his phone instead of texting it out.

 

_Dan: that would be great i dont have any  plans tonight so im all yours_

 

Dan hit send and threw his phone towards the other end of the couch. His stomach was still hovering above his head when his phone beeped. He flung himself over to were his phone was laying and his palms grew sweaty. He picked his phone up and slowly turned it around to view the notification.

 

_Carol: I saw this on the way to work this morning and it reminded me of you_

 

Dan scrolled to see that she had sent him a picture of a Bowser action figure that was laying face down on on the sidewalk.

 

_What the hell?_

 

Dan typed out a quick reply about how that was actually him in his natural form and set his phone back down with the face of the phone resting on the couch.

 

    Carol and him talk regularly. Things never went south and there wasn't a falling out; they remained friends and even became better at communication now that the pressures of a relationship were no longer present. However, she was not the person that he was looking for a response from at this moment.  

 

   Dan sat and tapped his foot, twiddled his thumbs, rocked back and forth, did whatever fidget that he could while sitting on the sofa and he still hadn’t gotten a reply back. It was going to drive him mad. Had Phil not liked his reply? Did phil find someone else to go with because Dan took to long thinking about what to say? Did Phil send it to Dan by accident? Maybe he really didn’t want Dan to go with him tonight; maybe it was a mistake.

 

     Dan hopped up into a standing position and ran his hands through his curly hair. He decided that no matter what or even _if_ Phil replied, he should actually get dressed for the day even if was past noon. He headed for his bathroom and looked in the mirror. He was a mess. His face was flushed and palms where clammy;  he looked like a wreck. He turned his shower on and let the water heat up while he undressed which didn’t take very long because he wasn’t wearing much to begin with. He left his phone sitting in the lounge because he was the type of person that would check his phone a million times even while in the shower just to double check to make sure he didn’t miss the ding of a new message.

    The hot water started to steam and the mirror was no longer a reliable source of reflection. Standing naked, Dan stepped into the shower. The water caressed his body in a gentle manner and his muscles started to relax at the pressure. He let the water cascade down his face, washing away his worry. He ran his hands over his arms and up to his shoulders only to find them in his hair. He opened his eyes and a white mist surrounded him, comforting him. He grabbed the bottle of soap and poured a decent amount onto his palms.

 

     Reaching back up to his hair, he couldn’t help but see the scars that littered his body. His ribs, shoulders, arms; they all had the remains of severe burn marks. Red and painful at times, his body was a constant reminder of everything he lost and everything that fire took. A flash of red and orange appeared in his eyes; that morning replaying again and again. The screams and faces of those around and the fingers pointing towards the burning bakery. Hearing screams of panic as his grandpa was stuck inside the burning building and the smell of smoke as Dan hurled himself into the flames towards his mentor. Debris falling in flames while the fire took more of Dan’s heart as well as the room. Hitting him as he moved through the heat, the next thing that he remembers is blackness; a nothingness.

 

    A white light waking him up only to tell him his grandfather didn't make it and the store was reduced to a pile of charcoal. His childhood and local hero was gone and Dan was stuck in a hospital bed; bound and wrapped for burns.

 

    Staring out of the window that no longer held functionality, Dan was brought back to the present; his present. The shower that once held comfort and worth just felt empty and cold. He turned the water off and grabbed the towel that was sitting on the sink. Drying his scar littered body off, he headed to his bedroom to find something to wear. He settled for a black hoodie, ripped black jeans, and a pair of fuzzy socks. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he then remembered that he was waiting for a text from Phil. He jumped up and basically ran for the lounge; his hands glided across the walls as he sped through. Acting like a school-aged child, he dover for his phone. Scrolling through random notifications from tumblr and twitter; random texts from family, he had not gotten one from Phil. He leaned his head down and sighed.

 

    The rest of the day, he kept himself busy. He did the laundry and cleaned his room, washed the dishes and put them away. Went to the store to get random things and organized his pantry. Still nothing; no ding or beep or flutter. Dan forgot how tiring having a crush was.

 

    He sat down on the sofa and decided that he wasn't going to hear back from Phil tonight. He got on tumblr and starting rebloging; dogs, cats, text posts; memes, anything. Once Dan had forgotten about the text, he got one.

 

_Ding._

 

_Phil (with one L): Hey sorry about that, my meeting with the art gallery lasted longer than expected. How’s about we do both? Send me your address and I'll be there at 6!_

 

Dan hastley typed up his address and could have screamed while doing so.

 

He spent the next 2 hours pacing back and forth and changing his outfit about 5 times only to go back to what he had on originally. He was getting more nervous with every passing second and his curls were getting more prominent the more he got anxious. He tried the internet hoping it would take his mind of things, and it did for a while until he heard his doorbell ring.

 

Phil Lester was waiting outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to talk about or ask any questions about this fic or even just to chat you can find me at vampireswithleter in the sPoOkY month of October but normally im at linguisticswithlester!
> 
> Send me prompts if you want to!
> 
> See ya!


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